I know, I know, it's been a while. I've been planning on switching over to wordpress and registering a domain, so bear with me.
Not much is happening in this mama's life. I completed my DONA birth doula training on April 1st, so there's one thing to check off my 2012 checklist. (Remember people; I'm dreaming big this year.)
As such, I'm hanging around the garden state to attend a friend's homebirth. Life's been bumming me out lately, and that certainly isn't what I want for my rockstar 2012 year, so here's to hoping witnessing the miracle of life is as healing as I'm hoping!
Since my last post I have been identified as a possible bone marrow match for a male with non hodgkins lymphoma. It was exactly 2 years to the date I registered, and although there's only an 8% chance of going on to donate, it's been an incredible experience so far and I'm doing my best to remain positive. I pray for the patient whenever he comes to mind and it's my hope that if I'm not a match it's because God's got one that's even better out there. So when we come to mind, please remember to pray for my marrow patient :)
Since I last posted S and I have been attending a new church regularly and I could not be happier there. I've been to a few places since moving up here and I've never felt more at home than I do now. We tried attending churches in the past and for some reason, it'd never pan out and we could never make it through a sermon. Seriously. Either one of us got sick, or broke out in a spontaneous rash, or J would scream his head off in the nursery and need to be removed. And after one sermon at our new church, I remember just turning and saying "Ok, I like it here." And as I got J out of his classroom he proclaimed "I like church!" Done deal. We've been going ever since and when I get back we'll probably go through the steps of joining. It feels good to finally have a church that our "family" can attend and benefit from every sunday. Doctrinally, it's pretty different from my prior congregation, yet I couldn't love it more.
I guess the biggest news I have to share is my decision to remove J's biodad from his birth certificate. In the coming months I hope to blog about it as much as possible, but so as to not affect the outcome of any hearings. I find there really isn't adequate information out there for parents facing this sort of event, and if my experience can help someone, I'm all for it. My decision simply stems from the fact that if I forget that my kiddo shares DNA with some random human that likes 5 hours away, he really doesn't have much business having his name on such an important document.
And when I say "I don't think of him" I mean, I really, don't ever think of him. For real. Unless you ask me about him, he doesn't randomly enter my thoughts. And as such, he has no business having any legal ties to my offspring. It has officially been 3 years since he has seen the kidlet. So to do math for all of you, he hasn't seen the kidlet since he was about 4 months old. I pick winners, huh? It's all good, I have no shame. I embrace the fact that I've been blessed with the coolest 3 year old on the planet and the other half of his genetic makeup is total irrelevant. As far as my brain is concerned, J was born through sporing, or budding, or some other form of asexual reproduction. I don't actually recognize in my brain that J has another parent who is just as much a part of his genetic makeup as I am. In fact, I think my brain actually refuses to acknowledge that, so, I like to think of him as being a legitimate mini-me.
The one time I showed J a picture of biodad (After he started asking questions about his parentage) he proudly told me "That's Diego's dad." Yes, Diego, Dora's animal loving cousin on Nickelodeon. That Diego. I think that statement alone should be admissible in court as evidence that he plays no role in J's life.
Anyway, I anticipate it'll be a long and exhausting process, but I have no doubt in my mind that it'll be worth it. It will mean that I will no longer receive child support, and while I'm currently not working full time, that may sound like a crazy decision. I won't lie, I truly love when I can treat the three of us to lunch and secretly think "ha, lunch is on him." And every penny of that $88 a week is usually spent within 72 hours. THAT BEING SAID... I trust my heart, and I have a strong conviction that God is looking out for us, and that he will find a way for us to have financial stability GREATER than we have now, in a way that won't tie my innocent child to a possibly sociopathic stranger for the rest of his life. I am completely confident in my choice and trust that God will bless this decision.
So there's that.
:)
Update to come when there's something worth reporting.
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