hey it's may

It's been a great month! I've been blessed with a temporary job and it feels so great to be making money again. Nothing beats getting to bring J to work with me and not pay 50% of my daily wage in childcare expenses.

Since I have more financial flexibility, I signed J.bug up for soccer. I always joke that it's in his blood, since me and NCP were both goalies. He starts lessons next Thursday, and I seriously could not be more  excited. No, seriously. I already tracked down xxs toddler shinguards and an El Salvador 2T jersey. Oh believe me, there will be photos. When his shinguards came in the mail this evening he was so excited to put on his "soccer legs" and we ended up kicking a ball back and forth for over an hour!

Ok, I swear I'm not just saying this because I'm his mom and I love him and think he's God's gift to man.
The kid is GOOD. He's amazing, actually. It only took me telling him once "no hands, just feet" to grasp the concept. And he's got a power kick! This isn't exactly working in our little 2 bedroom apartment, but hopefully Rochester will decide it's spring soon and I can get outside with him. And now anytime I sit on the couch to rest him cheerfully asks "Mommy, play soccer with me! PWEASE!?" I'm so happy he loves it, and I'm hoping he'll love his lessons too.

Sleep still isn't going well. He's still up at least 2 times at night. It seems like he has nightmares and needs help falling back to sleep. And he still sleep walks. Since it's been 3 1/2 years, and I've tried every trick, every book, every doctor, and I've acknowledge that this isn't just resolving itself, I finally resorted to my "last attempt." People have been telling me to try melatonin for 2 years. I was never comfortable with the idea, but I've finally come to grips with it and tried it.
Well guess what? It doesn't work. I think it has the opposite affect. He wakes up earlier (like, 5:20am) and is still getting up in the middle of the night. Hey, at least I tried, right?

On Saturday we journeyed to Ithaca to say goodbye to our friend Veronica. J is completely in love with her son P and they are just adorable together. They're headed down to Indiana for the summer so we got the kids together for one last photoshoot playdate.

I finally have a canvas for my living room, I think. Just need to recalibrate and get a test print first.

Yup. Because he's not my mini me or anything.

xoxo.

Our car seat journey

Car seats. They matter. If you know me, this is nothing new. I've been rattling off about car seats since I exited the womb, no? Not quite. It seems that way, for sure, but I haven't always "known my stuff."

In the past I've been told more than once that I'm "A know it all." And while I wish I knew "it all" about child passenger safety, I don't, I never have, and never claimed to have. I am passionate about child passenger safety because I have a love for all mankind, and God's put it on me to pray for all babies and children, and I've come to realize that car seat misuse is almost entirely due to miseducation; not parental apathy.

I wanted to create this post to show you that I'm human. That I didn't know it all. But when I *did* "see the light" I didn't react with anger. I didn't lash out. I listened. And I am so grateful that at some point, someone pointed out my mistakes so that I could correct them and make the changes I needed to make as a parent to keep my child safe.

Here's Joel at 3 days old. Already out and about, on the way to the pediatrician. (And jaundiced, at that.)
As you can see, there's a JJ Cole Bundleme installed in the car seat, adding bulk between him and his harness. In an accident, this would could compress and cause him to fly into his harness at high speed, which would cause considerable damage to his extremely fragile body. In addition, his harness is WAY too loose, and his chest clip is too low. I'm inclined to think I fixed it when I got in the car, since I do recall habitually loosening the harness to more easily remove him, but I won't lie. It probably was not significantly better in the car. No one ever told me that clip was supposed to be level with his armpits (And it probably didn't help that all the photos I have ever seen of babies in car seats had the clips on the abdomens.) I DID read my manual, but not thoroughly. At least the seat itself was installed properly in my car.

Here he is a week or so later, and his harness is so loose he is sticking his hand under it.

This photo was taken in October, so he's nearing his first birthday. Still fitting in his infant seat (5th percentile kid that he was) and I clearly haven't learned (and no one has bothered to point out) that his chest clip needs to be on his chest.

At this point, it was time for a "Big Boy Seat". But luckily mama had read up about the benefits of extended rear facing (I believe based on a signature picture on a forum urging moms to keep their babies rear facing, that I had seen when I was pregnant. I knew early on that babies didn't need to be turned forward on their first birthday; thank heavens!

Since this is a mobile upload on facebook, it even has a caption warning everyone that the straps were too high and the chest clip was too low, and that I had just snapped the photo when he first sat in the seat before it was properly adjusted. So methinks at this time, I finally knew the "important stuff."  Unfortunately, I bought this seat because it was adorable, and because I loved my Quinny Buzz stroller and this was the closest thing. Knowing what I know now, I probably wouldn't buy from Dorel Juvenile again (just my own preference.) and I REALLY should have done research before shelling out $200 on a convertible seat. It's specs probably weren't great, and the straps were ALWAYS twisting.

In May of 2010, we were hit from the side by a driver on a cell phone. J laughed through the event, and was safely cradled in his seat, rear facing. I had whiplash, and J was totally fine. Though the car wasn't in great shape afterwards and the seat was compromised (Thankfully I knew about this too at this point!) so I invested in a used Britax Marathon. That seat expired a few months ago, and I was sad when I had to take a hammer to it. Knowing what I know now, I personally would not buy a used seat again except from someone in one of my tech groups, where I can be ensured the seat was properly cared for and the straps were never washed.

The Marathon was an awesome seat and installed well and the HUGS made the straps a total breeze. never a twist, ever! I knew its lifespan was ending soon, so the christmas of 2010 I invested in a Sunshine Kids Radian 80SL. I really wanted to go for the XTSL for the side impact protection, but I did the best I could with the budget I had, and I really don't have regrets. The 80SL is a great seat and I have no problems fitting it in my car, S's car, my parent's car, or a friend's car. (Unless they have kids, that complicates it :) )

After the accident my "car seat freak" status skyrocketed, and I told everyone who'd listen about the importance of keeping children rear facing. i wasn't often successful, and I certainly lost the respect of peers. But I knew I wanted to be a tech, so I had a platform to say the things I said and to make a difference. I ordered this super-cool decal for my ride and proudly sport it to this day.

So by this point, J is almost 3, and people surely think I'm totally insane. And that's ok :)

One of the things I hear most often is "How does a 2 year old fit rear facing?" "My kids were way too big by 1, they could have never rear faced." "Where do their legs go?"

I don't know ladies, this handsome stud looks pretty comfortable to me. And he's got plenty of legroom, thank you very much.

So our journey is coming to an end. By this point, I am a full blown self proclaimed car seat fanatic. I care deeply about child passenger education and wish everyone had the knowledge I have been lucky to glean so they have the tools to keep their children safe.

So here is he. 3 1/2 years old, comfortable and happily rear facing in his Sunshine Kids Radian 80sl. It has a rear facing weight limit of 45 lbs, so he's got 14 lbs to go. And as you can see, he's still got 2 harness slots, and I know we'll easily get another year if not 2 before height becomes an issue.
(As you can see, his bud N has finally outgrown HIS radian by height and soon after made the big switch to forward facing, after delaying the switch until absolutely necessary due to height)

I hope you've enjoyed our journey. I hope you see that I'm not this heartless arrogant "Car seat nazi" who thinks I'm better than you because of the car seat or position my child rides in in the car. I'm not better than you. I've made HUGE mistakes that could have been deadly. And I am so grateful that someone was brave enough to teach me the right way to do things so that I can keep my child safe in the car.

Rear facing is 500% safer than forward facing. Forward facing babies and toddlers are 75% more likely to be killed in a car accident. Car seat safety isn't something to be taken lightly. PLEASE read your child's car seat manual. PLEASE do lots of research before buying your child's seat. (You'll save yourself a lot of greif and $$$$) Don't be afraid to ask questions or ask for help. Please don't let your pride prevent you from keeping your child safe in the car.

Have your install check by a Child Passenger Safety technician.
And join Car Seats For The Littles on facebook to get answers to ANY car seat question you could possible have. :)

Asexual reproduction, Go! Diego Go! and everything inbetween.

I know, I know, it's been a while. I've been planning on switching over to wordpress and registering a domain, so bear with me.

Not much is happening in this mama's life. I completed my DONA birth doula training on April 1st, so there's one thing to check off my 2012 checklist. (Remember people; I'm dreaming big this year.)
As such, I'm hanging around the garden state to attend a friend's homebirth. Life's been bumming me out lately, and that certainly isn't what I want for my rockstar 2012 year, so here's to hoping witnessing the miracle of life is as healing as I'm hoping!

Since my last post I have been identified as a possible bone marrow match for a male with non hodgkins lymphoma. It was exactly 2 years to the date I registered, and although there's only an 8% chance of going on to donate, it's been an incredible experience so far and I'm doing my best to remain positive. I pray for the patient whenever he comes to mind and it's my hope that if I'm not a match it's because God's got one that's even better out there. So when we come to mind, please remember to pray for my marrow patient :)

Since I last posted S and I have been attending a new church regularly and I could not be happier there. I've been to a few places since moving up here and I've never felt more at home than I do now. We tried attending churches in the past and for some reason, it'd never pan out and we could never make it through a sermon. Seriously. Either one of us got sick, or broke out in a spontaneous rash, or J would scream his head off in the nursery and need to be removed. And after one sermon at our new church, I remember just turning and saying "Ok, I like it here." And as I got J out of his classroom he proclaimed "I like church!" Done deal. We've been going ever since and when I get back we'll probably go through the steps of joining. It feels good to finally have a church that our "family" can attend and benefit from every sunday. Doctrinally, it's pretty different from my prior congregation, yet I couldn't love it more.

I guess the biggest news I have to share is my decision to remove J's biodad from his  birth certificate. In the coming months I hope to blog about it as much as possible, but so as to not affect the outcome of any hearings. I find there really isn't adequate information out there for parents facing this sort of event, and if my experience can help someone, I'm all for it. My decision simply stems from the fact that if I forget that my kiddo shares DNA with some random human that likes 5 hours away, he really doesn't have much business having his name on such an important document.

And when I say "I don't think of him" I mean, I really, don't ever think of him. For real. Unless you ask me about him, he doesn't randomly enter my thoughts. And as such, he has no business having any legal ties to my offspring. It has officially been 3 years since he has seen the kidlet. So to do math for all of you, he hasn't seen the kidlet since he was about 4 months old. I pick winners, huh? It's all good, I have no shame. I embrace the fact that I've been blessed with the coolest 3 year old on the planet and the other half of his genetic makeup is total irrelevant. As far as my brain is concerned, J was born through sporing, or budding, or some other form of asexual reproduction. I don't actually recognize in my brain that J has another parent who is just as much a part of his genetic makeup as I am. In fact, I think my brain actually refuses to acknowledge that, so, I like to think of him as being a legitimate mini-me.

The one time I showed J a picture of biodad (After he started asking questions about his parentage) he proudly told me "That's Diego's dad." Yes, Diego, Dora's animal loving cousin on Nickelodeon. That Diego. I think that statement alone should be admissible in court as evidence that he plays no role in J's life.

Anyway, I anticipate it'll be a long and exhausting process, but I have no doubt in my mind that it'll be worth it. It will mean that I will no longer receive child support, and while I'm currently not working full time, that may sound like a crazy decision. I won't lie, I truly love when I can treat the three of us to lunch and secretly think "ha, lunch is on him." And every penny of that $88 a week is usually spent within 72 hours. THAT BEING SAID... I trust my heart, and I have a strong conviction that God is looking out for us, and that he will find a way for us to have financial stability GREATER than we have now, in a way that won't tie my innocent child to a possibly sociopathic stranger for the rest of his life. I am completely confident in my choice and trust that God will bless this decision.

So there's that.
:)
Update to come when there's something worth reporting.